Ask Grench Read online

  “Noooooo!”

  #

  Grench:

  What’s your secret for removing those stubborn stains from around the urinals and toilets in the palace?

  -Scrubbing in Vain

  Fifteenth Orb of Fellis Realm

  Dear Scrubbing,

  You can find the answer to this and many other washroom secrets in my new FlowTablet tome, Minionship for Morons, available for free on the Flow. It’s an invaluable guide to success, from the bottom up.

  Any old nincompoop can scrub a washroom, but it takes a truly humble minion to do it in such a way that will unconsciously please even your most severe master, and potentially propel you up the minion career ladder, one contrite step at a time.

  And remember – never underestimate the potential of a peer to undermine you, always read all the fine print, and demonstratively respect any newly-appointed master you may have.

  And when you’re at the bottom – the only direction to go is up!

  Live in joy,

  Grench

  Eighty-Eighth Sub-Assistant Scrubber of the Ninth Royal Urinal, Washroom Two, Third Floor of the Palace of the Great Varda Hasnik, Eminent Hegemon, Lord of the Echelon and Grand Lulu of Spar

  THE END

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