Plutoed Read online

  Kronos terminated the sound. “Well? What have you to say for yourself?”

  “I was just trying to make a point.”

  “And that would be?” asked Rhea.

  “That I matter!”

  Seven others stepped out from behind the cool white pillars. “Of course you matter,” said Ceres. “We love you.”

  “And that’s what matters most,” added Venus.

  “Not the ever-changing opinions of the mortals,” said Poseidon.

  At first, Pluto remained defiant, his rebellious adolescent attitude made clear by his outward-thrust chin and downturned mouth.

  But the pantheon was determined to talk him down from his wrathful, indignant perch.

  Several other gods added their own words of encouragement – reminding him of his important position as God of the Underworld, appealing to his vain nature, explaining how fickle the humans have always been - and Pluto actually started to feel better. He calmed down. Cheered up.

  Gradually, his fellow gods managed to touch his teenage hot-buttons: pride, anger, resentment, bitterness – and filled those voids in his heart with compassion, understanding, a sense of belonging, and a dose of good humor.

  He smiled, for what seemed like the first time in a thousand years.

  Actually it had been a thousand years.

  But then the smile disappeared.

  “We have a problem,” he said. “I guess I got a little – uh, out of hand – and that third rock that I tossed – well, that one is on a true collision course. It’s threatening to wipe out all life on Earth.”

  The crowd of gods murmured.

  “This is not good, not good at all,” intoned Uranus.

  “What can be done?” asked Kronos.

  “I think I can help,” said a young lady who’d been standing near the back of the group.

  “Phoebe?” said Pluto. “You’ve grown. And waxed . . . beautiful.”

  “Yes, it’s me,” she said, blushing.

  #

  Jim clicked off the TV.

  The news was filled with one natural disaster after another, caused by the near proximity of the KBOs. The first two had been near misses, but the gravitational stresses were wreaking havoc.

  The Ring of Fire – the giant circle of volcanism around the circumference of the Pacific – was ablaze with activity.

  Massive tsunamis had obliterated many coastal regions.

  Earthquakes had killed thousands in Asia, Africa, South America.

  And now the whole western edge of California had crumbled into the ocean.

  Somehow, through all the upheaval, the Barnes telescope had managed to stay intact and functional.

  Janet led the way to the ‘scope.

  “Each time we come in here, I think it’ll be our last time to gaze through her,” she said, placing her hand on the cool barrel of the giant assembly.

  “I’d rather be looking through her than watching yet another of those pathetic ‘Farewell Earth’ specials on TV,” said Jim. The third KBO was right on target for direct impact, so the world was gearing up to meet its demise.

  “I doubt anybody watches those shows,” said Janet. “People are probably gearing up for the end by spending time with their families.”

  “Unless they don’t have a family,” said Jim. “Maybe those shows do serve a purpose – to help the lonely people feel not so alone as the end nears. Thankfully, we’ve got each other.” He gave her a squeeze around the shoulders.

  “I guess you’re right. I mean, those celebrities – they’ll never get to spend the money they make for doing those shows – they truly are saints,” said Janet, a tear in her eye.

  They watched through the telescope as the anticipated planetary alignment neared its completion. A near-perfect row of planets filled the viewing area of the telescope.

  “Wow,” sighed Janet. “At least we got to see that before the end.”

  “It is spectacular, isn’t it?” said Jim, taking her hand.

  “It’s almost a full moon,” said Janet, glancing out the window. “Let’s take one last look at the Sea of Tranquility, shall we?”

  Jim programmed in the coordinates, and the huge mounting unit moved as the motors hummed under the floorboards.

  “Hmm,” he said.

  “Hmm?”

  “I was just thinking. What if we substituted the original Pluto gravity figures for the new variable – the one that makes no sense – and ran the numbers one more time. I’m just thinking – maybe, just maybe.”

  He pulled up his calculations and ran the figures according to the original Pluto data, before everything went haywire.

  “Oh my,” said Jim. “Janet – check my math.”

  Janet ran the same numbers and her eyes widened. “Oh, Jim!”

  They got on the phone immediately.

  “Yes, yes, that’s right,” said Jim. “The moon will just barely intercept the KBO – it will save the Earth! Yes, I’m sure. Just use the original Pluto gravity data and see for yourself.”

  #

  Phoebe stepped forward and held out her hand to Hades.

  “You know, I’ve always loved you. Even when they first called you Pluto the dwarf planet – I always knew you were bigger than them all.”

  Pluto was quite surprised that she’d had a crush on him all this time. He considered what she was willing to do for him – to save him from what would surely be a vicious punishment for wiping out the humans.

  She was willing to take quite a hit for him.

  All he could manage was a feeble, “I – I never knew.”

  “Don’t worry,” she said. “I don’t know exactly what the damage will be, but I know it’ll be worth it.”

  Pluto, truly humbled, said, “I know that whatever happens, you’ll always be beautiful to me.”

  #

  Jim, Janet, and a handful of astronomer friends gathered in their observatory for the party.

  On a whim, they’d decided a toga party would match the light mood they were all feeling, now that the world was going to be saved.

  “This is going to be the most amazing collision we will ever witness,” said Jim, raising a glass in toast.

  Moments later, the leading edge of the dark side of the moon was struck by a Kuiper Belt Object the size of Texas.

  A plume of dust slowly emerged along the rim of the bright crescent, gradually forming a heavenly halo around the moon that would last for years to come.

  The group applauded and cheered as the beautiful method of their salvation was displayed on a large screen hooked up to the telescope.

  One guest among them was unfamiliar, but seemed to slip through the party unnoticed. He wore a toga like the others, and applauded somberly with the rest of the partiers.

  Thank you, Phoebe,” whispered Hades. Thank you.

  THE END

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